Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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