I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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