Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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