I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
