like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
