Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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