yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
