i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
