Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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