a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
