My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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