let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
