would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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