I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
There r osticjed everywhere
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We need a shit load of segways right now
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
