How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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