if i can run in heels then i can drive
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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