stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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