She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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