he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
