lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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