Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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