FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
