The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
