why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
