i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize