then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Still dying that you shit outside
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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