I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
