I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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