you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
