Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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