my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
