Can Purell be used as lube?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
