Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
