So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
