we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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