and you said cock pushups were impossible
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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