I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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