i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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