make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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