I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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