Your dad touched me again.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
