my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
