As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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