Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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