My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
