I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize