yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize