Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
