I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
