I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
