the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize