Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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