she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
