I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
