Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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