I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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