My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize