R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Randomize
