i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
