She is in my trunk
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
