This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
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I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
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I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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